Thursday, July 12, 2012
It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything on my blog. Today, as I was writing a check, I noted the date—July 12, 2012. Gwen died on November 12, 2010. Twenty months have now passed since that evening when her life ended and mine became filled with pain, sorrow and loneliness. The place in my heart that had been occupied by the one who made my life complete was filled with suffering and anguish.
As is the case with all who experience great loss, I had to begin to make sense of a world that in many ways had lost all meaning. On many days, the mere act of getting out of bed seemed pointless. Family and friends, and especially Dave, who has accompanied me since this journey began, encouraged and supported me as I began the necessary work of examining and removing that which had rushed into my heart 20 months ago. Almost magically, I began publishing this blog, both here and on Open Salon, and included poems that came to me daily. Countless friends, literally around the world, read what I wrote and comforted and consoled me. The task will never be completed; nor should it be. Joyful memories of young love, sex, the birth of a child, watching that child complete college, welcoming an adopted child. . .these memoires, and countless others like it have a permanent place in my heart.
At the time it was happening, I didn’t recognize it. Now I see clearly that it was necessary to remove the sense of loneliness, sadness, and, yes, anger that had permeated my heart so that I could welcome in its place someone who adds even greater joy and meaning to my life.
Last week we together and reverently removed the ring that Gwen placed on my finger on June 8, 1963. It was placed in a velvet bag that contains Gwen’s rings and other jewelry. As the ring itself is symbolic of the circle of life, so this act celebrated a love that never dies but is made more perfect as I begin anew a journey with one whose heart beats in rhythm with mine and whose soul shares my truths.
Dear you are with me always; and, Dear, welcome to your new home in my heart.