I was great having breakfast with my sister, Cookie, and her husband, Bob, this morning. Bob cooked me a great omelet, and then we headed off to church for Ray's funeral. The church is kitty corner from the old brick school where I attended grades K-7. What memories that brought back. The Little Room, then The Big Room. Locking the teacher in the cloak room. . .
I felt strange viewing Ray in his casket. Of course, it brought back memories of when it was my sweet Gwen to whom I said goodbye. Later in the day I took a drive by myself to the farm where I grew up, and I felt such a complete sadness, and I wept. I'm wrestling with this. What am I sad about? Of course, I miss Gwen every single moment of every single day, but beyond that there is something I can't quite put my finger on yet. I think I need to write a poem about it; it has to do with trying to rebuild a life with a big hole in the middle. There's also a sense of regret that I didn't enjoy as fully as possible all the moments of joy that Gwen and I shared together. I have to think about this in the car tomorrow.
In the afternoon I visited with a friend with whom I've had many e-mail contacts. It was a welcoming homecoming.
In the evening I had dinner with my best friend from high school, Bob, his wife Carol, and Jim, a cousin. Perfect! Later, although I was tired, Bob was able to talk me into a visit to his home. I'm so glad I did. He has completely remodeled an older home, building all the cabinets and closets himself. It was good to relax for a while with an old friend.
This is kind of hodge-podge, but I needed to write down some words.
Gosh, how I missed you today, Dear, it was just wrong that you weren't with me.
I felt strange viewing Ray in his casket. Of course, it brought back memories of when it was my sweet Gwen to whom I said goodbye. Later in the day I took a drive by myself to the farm where I grew up, and I felt such a complete sadness, and I wept. I'm wrestling with this. What am I sad about? Of course, I miss Gwen every single moment of every single day, but beyond that there is something I can't quite put my finger on yet. I think I need to write a poem about it; it has to do with trying to rebuild a life with a big hole in the middle. There's also a sense of regret that I didn't enjoy as fully as possible all the moments of joy that Gwen and I shared together. I have to think about this in the car tomorrow.
In the afternoon I visited with a friend with whom I've had many e-mail contacts. It was a welcoming homecoming.
In the evening I had dinner with my best friend from high school, Bob, his wife Carol, and Jim, a cousin. Perfect! Later, although I was tired, Bob was able to talk me into a visit to his home. I'm so glad I did. He has completely remodeled an older home, building all the cabinets and closets himself. It was good to relax for a while with an old friend.
This is kind of hodge-podge, but I needed to write down some words.
Gosh, how I missed you today, Dear, it was just wrong that you weren't with me.
