COMFORT AND PEACE

You are the greatest

of my earthly blessings

is what she said

to me

on that warm April night

when we first tasted love

at its fullest.

Even now

when she is the greatest

of my heavenly blessings

those words

those memories

bring comfort and peace.

John A. Bayerl, January 7, 2012

Tonight I am tired, but, for the first time in  a long time, at peace.  Earlier this evening I attend a Polish Mass here in town.  Gwen's dad was Polish, and I have so many memories of attending Midnight Mass with her and her family and hearing all those beautiful Polish Christmas hymns.  Hearing them again tonight, sung by a superb choir, brought Gwen to my side, and tears to my eyes.  Then, on the way home, I was at peace.

On Monday it will be one year since I began writing this blog.  My intent has always been to honor Gwen first and foremost, and I have done that as best I could.  What has surprised me has been how therapeutic it has been to write.  That, and the discovery of so many people, literally around the world, who are willing to give of their time, and their love,  to read and respond to what I've written.  

Tonight at church, Dear, I could feel you near me, looking all cute in your Christmas finery.  Part of the peace I found later was in realizing that few people have been given the gift of a life together that had so many beautiful moments to remember and savor.   I will always have a hole in my heart where you should be, but I will also try to be grateful that you filled my heart so completely.