VALENTINE REMEMBERED

Friends, family, those who love me

tell me

that she wants me to be happy.

I  know that—

she and I talked about it,

but those were only words.

Goodness knows

I try hard all day long:

keep it light

live in the present

smile

etc.

Then one day it’s Valentine’s Day

a time to remember

and I see her smile

taste again those lips

smell the perfume from France

feel her gentle touch

hear words she speaks

only for me.

It’s like walking around

in a sad love song

a song with a happy beginning

a story well told

about years of bliss

a joyful chorus

echoing through years.

Then it’s another Valentine’s Day

without her.

The song has a sad ending

and  a beautiful melody

that I  can’t get it out of my mind.

John A. Bayerl, February 15, 2012

St. Valentine's Day was two days ago, but my heart was heavy on that day.  This poem was in me,  but it couldn't come out into the light of day. 

 "Wow," I'm thinking, "that sounds kind of arrogant;  just make up a day to do what everyone else does on the day designated for it--talk about love of your life!"   "So what," I say, "always remember why you write this blog, it's to honor and commemorate that extraordinary woman who made your life complete."  When things come from our hearts they are never late--always right on time.  (Hmmmm;. . .  is there a poem in there somewhere?)

The slide project I've begun working on has turned out to be quite interesting and satisfying, albeit with moments of sadness and pain.  Back in the era when it was popular to get a good 35 mm SLR camera we did just that, and took literally thousands of pictures that were turned into slides.  The slides have all been safely stored in a plastic bin in carousels that were used in the projector; the projector still works fine, and the spare bulb that Gwen insisted we buy is still in the package it came in.  It's taken  along time for me to get up the courage to watch all those slides (There are close to 2,200 of them.).  I did watch them, and now I'm using a scanner to convert them to pictures that are stored in my computer.  When I'm finished I hope to make CDs with all the pictures on them for each of our children.  Technologically challenged as I am, I'm sure friends and family members will chime in with suggestions on the best way to do that.

As I look at each slide it evokes memories of all the times and places and trips Gwen and I were able to share with each other and our family-- living in Oregon, Wisconsin, Marquette, Flint, Ann Arbor,  Long Island.  Then trips we took to Yellowstone, Banff, Quebec, Boston, New York, Vermont, Seattle, Florida, Casimir's Cottage in the U. P., camping at Chicaugoan Lake--painful as it is to see the pictures of Gwen, young and beautiful as she was then, it is also a reminder to be thankful for the many opportunities we had to enjoy life and our children and especially each other.  Also, I am once again taken by how bravely and gracefully she managed Type I Diabetes; for more than 40 years,

I am grateful, Dear, for the song we sang together and for the beautiful melody that remains--even today, a dreary, foggy Second St. Valentine's Day.