Preparing for Angels

I awoke this morning thinking about the important role Northern Michigan University has played in my life.  Unlike most of my siblings,  I was more "mathematically challenged", otherwise I too may have found my way to Michigan Tech.  Instead, I enrolled at  NMU, and it was there that I met Gwen and graduated with a teaching degree, ironically, with a minor in mathematics.  Then, in 1998, I was presented with the opportunity to take charge of the K-12 Michigan School Guidance and Counseling Program at NMU.  Neither Gwen nor I were quite prepared to retire at that time, but we decided that this was an adventure we couldn't pass up.  Besides, living in Marquette would give Gwen the chance to be near her parents and sister in Gaastra, and her brother in Rock.  I had always felt a certain loyalty to NMU and was excited at the opportunity to contribute to my profession.  I began my duties at NMU in June, and, in order to be fully eligible for  retirement benefits, Gwen had to continue in her role as an OR nurse at the Kellogg Eye Center, part of The University of Michigan Hospitals, until her birthday in October.  I was expected to meet classes on weekends, so, Gwen drove from our home in Pinckney, near Ann Arbor, to Marquette each weekend.  Whereas 36 years earlier it had been I who drove from Birch Creek to Gaastra each weekend for a year in order to be with the love of my life, it was now Gwen's turn to reciprocate by driving from Pinckney to Marquette on the weekends.  This was for only four months, but the mileage involved more than makes the case that it was Gwen who got the short end of that stick.  As was always the case with her, she never complained and was excited at the opportunity to begin another adventure.  It is not lost on me that  my present grief is eased by these memories of the time Gwen and I did have together.

Gwen and I both agreed that the decision to live in Marquette for those years was one of the best we had ever made.  She made friends there and was able to spend time with her family.  This became particularly important  when her mother, Bertha, was diagnosed with leukemia, which eventually led to her death. As for me, I loved every minute of my time with NMU.  The faculty and staff readily accepted me in spite of a lack of clarity about role and status.  I look forward to seeing many of them this summer when I plan to teach a course on campus with my son.  My fondest memories of this whole experience are those of my students, many of whom are an important part of my support network now. I was blessed with being able to work with students who were  mature in their professional aspirations  and excited about learning.  Their enthusiasm, commitment, and creativity made every weekend with them fun and exciting.  I am thankful to Gwen that she so readily saw that this was something I needed to do and did everything she could to help me.  It was during this time that I wrote this poem.  Bruce, one of my multi-talented students, also made it into a song.

PREPARING FOR ANGELS

Midnight,

late in December of

my sixty-third year on earth,

I stood alone beneath the ironwood tree,

near the southern shore of Lake Superior.

There,

in that awful silence

and the clean, crystalline cold

I heard the sound of snowflakes

arranging their warm, intricate patterns

on the withered, shivering oak leaves of autumn.

Preparing for angels.

John A. Bayerl

December, 2000

Thank you, Gwen, for always being there for me, and for, even now, helping me prepare for angels.