Lover's Key, Florida

Lover's Key, Florida
I WILL FIND OTHER SEAS.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

WHERE WHITE LIES MATTER

Today is another of those days it isn't necessary to mark with an X on the calendar.  At 8:30 tonight it will be three months since Gwen died.  I am certain that, for her, life has changed, not ended, in some profound way that is beyond my comprehension.  When people ask me where the words that I write come from, I tell them that they're from Gwen and God.  It's that simple and what I believe with all my heart.

Gwen will always be alive in my heart, of that I am sure.  Those who got to know her quickly became her friend; that's just the way she was.  Those she befriended are now a constant gift from her to me.  Each time I answer the phone and its one of her friends "just wanting to know how you're doing", I feel her presence.

I have heard from her best friends way back in high school, nurses she worked side by side with,  my family members, members of our Faith Community, friends from our Marriage Encounter days, my golf buddies, so many friends from the past, and, more recently, friends from support groups we attended. I'm sure there are many more I haven't mentioned, and, I cherish each one of them.  It's what keeps me going on mornings like this when I remember the events of that night three months ago.  I have the TV on as I write this, the white noise of a life alone, and a commercial that she and I enjoyed so much just came on.  It's the one where the little white dog worries about losing his treasured bone and the singer in the background sings about trouble.

I wrote about her friends:


WHERE WHITE LIES MATTER

Friends who knew you
remind me of things
you said or did,
tell me things
I didn’t know,
about how cute you were
when you told of getting away with stuff
like going for a ride in the car
without my knowing.
Or, without letting your dad know
that you left the emergency brake on.

I thank my friends.
It’s not like having you here
where white lies matter.
But it helps.

John A. Bayerl, February 12, 2011

I see more clearly now why we loved that commercial.  Try as I might, I couldn't keep my treasure safe.  Trouble. . .

Then again, none of us can keep our treasure safe that way; not even our most precious one.



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