YOUR BEAUTIFUL HANDWRITING

It was a nice, easy Saturday afternoon and evening.  Watched the UM basketball game in the afternoon, they finally won a close game.  Sorted out a drawer full of  "treasures" from my career in the schools.  All those letters, cards, thank you notes; reminded me of the letters from Gwen; recollections of a life full of love and caring and the wonderful gift of being able to share all that with each other.

Last night it was kind of snowy.  I snuggled in the afghan that Gwen's friend Rene made for me and watched a movie--Ashton Kutcher and Kathering Higel.  Kind of a cute love story, of course, sad that Gwen wasn't here to watch it with me.  When I got in the car to bring the DVD back to the library I got that desolate feeling I sometimes get.  Gwen isn't there, in the seat next to me.  Even during the times when I had to help her do almost everything, including getting in and out of the car, it was still nice having here warm presence there, someone to touch, feel, kiss on the cheek, holler at me for accelerating too fast.  I wonder if anyone who has lost a loved one could ever have anticipated  how much all of those seemingly  inconsequential things would be missed.  I sure didn't.

Today I'll sing in the choir at the noon mass.  This will be a special day, the mass will be in memory of Gwen.  I think I'll always have this ache in my heart whenever I see the words Gwen and "in memory of"  in the same sentence.  I won't lose sight of what she did leave me:

YOUR  BEAUTIFUL HANDWRITING

Your beautiful handwriting

one of the many things

I loved about you.

I see it now

on envelopes addressed to me,

neatly in the corner:

Gwen

Box 558

Gaastra, Mich.

No MI or Zip Code

not then

just beautiful handwriting.

What a treasure

I hold in my hand,

trace with my finger,

kiss.

All you left behind

all that awaits.

John A. Bayerl, February 26, 2011

And I am thankful, dear, for the love we shared.  I know you want me to cherish the fruits of our love; the strength of our four children, the delight of three grandchildren, brothers and sisters, yours and mine, all the spouses, and so many friends, near and far.   Times like this it's good to cherish the pain along with the joy, and remember all it brought us.  All manner of things will be well.