I am not resigned..

Got up early this morning, dropped off a lab at the hospital, just something routine my doctor ordered.  Went to the gym, worked out for an hour.  My heart wasn't in it.  Then I went to a little Coney Island place for breakfast.  Gwen loved their spinach pie and  pecan pancakes. I had the pancakes.  Sometimes going to old familiar places we enjoyed together will jump start my day.  That didn't happen today.  For some reason, I've been thinking of this poem Gwen had stuck away somewhere; I don't even know if it has a title:

Down, down, down

Into the darkness of the grave

Gently they go, the beautiful

The tender, the kind,

Quietly they go, the intelligent,

The witty, the brave,

I know.  But I do not approve.

And I am not resigned.

--Edna St. Vincent Millay

Found among Gwen’s belongings, 1-5-11

I know that's the kind of "in your face", hopeful attitude that she always had and wants me to have .Most of the time I do.  It's just that today, I wish we could jump in the car, drive up to the cottage on St. Joseph Island, build a fire in the stove, pop some popcorn,  and get away for a little while. On my way over to the gym, I reached over to the seat where she would sit and held her hand for a while, that helped some.  I love you, dear, and I miss you.