Then we hug.

Today I attended, for the first time, a bereavement group that is offered by the hospice that  worked with Gwen and me for the final six months of her life.  Gwen and I belonged to and attended three different support groups during the time she was ill.  One was at St. Jospeh Mercy Hospital, where she was being treated, one was at The University of Michigan Comprehensive Cancer Center, where we went for second opinions, and the other was at was then called The Wellness Community of Southeast Michigan.  The first two of these groups met monthly.  The one at the Wellness Community met weekly, and Gwen attended a group for cancer survivors while I attended one for caregivers.  In their own way, each group was immensely helpful in that it provided an opportunity for us to connect and communicate with others who shared our experience of dealing with cancer.  Although the poem below was written with the groups at The Wellness Community in mind, it could have been written about either of the other two:

COMMUNITY WELLNESS

Each week

we begin again

as strangers;

talking about

talking about

feelings.

Being positive,

being real,

spirituality trumps reality.

Words are said,

tears are shed,

grief replaces fear,

the new normal becomes

never being normal again.

Now friends

more than strangers;

hand in hand,

we draw near

the campfire of hope.

Then we hug.

John A. Bayerl

July, 2008

The many friends Gwen and I made through our participation in these groups continue to support and enrich me as I learn to live without my perfect partner.  Each time I encounter any of them, the last line in the poem tells us what to do.  And we do. And sometimes that's all we can do.