BRAVELY BEAUTIFUL

In any family, there are all sorts of unwritten rules.  Gwen was the master of them.  Amy reminded us about when she and John spent their first Thanksgiving with us and Gwen asked her if she would like to take home some stuffing from the turkey.  At that point, she told us, John took her aside and said, "She's not asking if you want stuffing; she's asking you how much stuffing do you want."   I felt her presence on Valentine's Day as I prepared to share a meal at John's house. Earlier in the week I had sent Valentines to each of the children and their spouses and the grandchildren. I could almost see her checking each item off the list--valentines for everyone, cherry pie for dessert, a little gift for Brooke. . . . Good job, John.  That was Gwen's way.

Yesterday was one of the  days each month when our house is cleaned.  I,  spent the morning picking up and straightening out everything in sight.  I had to get the house nice and neat for the cleaning ladies.  There were places to go and things to do, and I thought about leaving the house a mess.  I couldn't do it. She is with me still, and she would know.

Throughout her illness the unwritten rule was that we are never going to give in to the cancer  She would live life, on her terms, to the fullest.  A rule she never broke, even at the end.  Two weeks before she died, she was still wondering about other treatment options.  She asked if she should call the kids and tell them that she  was at peace with knowing that the end was near.  I told her that they knew.   She did call Mike to tell him that she was OK, that was the nurse in her.  I look at her picture at the top of this page, taken three years ago.  It is someone who is busy living and loving:

BRAVELY BEAUTIFUL

Her last birthday

with us

we went to a movie,

Secretariat, she loved horses.

Sitting next to her,

there in the theater

seeing her in real life

she looked so shrunken

too small for the seat.

I saw bravely beautiful.

Wanted so much

to protect her

from what lay ahead.

I could not, of course.

Like all who shared her love,
all I could do is watch
as she showed  how to do it all.

John A. Bayerl, February 15, 2011

Thank you, honey bunch, for all those rules we try so hard not to break--especially the ones that really matter; about family, and being brave and loving deeply to the end.