One of the things I most loved about Gwen was her ability to surprise me; sometimes it would be her unexpected sense of humor. We had a discussion about funerals. Her wish was that she be cremated and laid to rest in a simple ceremony. I argued that it would be better to have a traditional funeral with her lying in state in a casket. She reluctantly agreed. Shortly before her death she had begun experiencing pain in her joints, and, when I would roll her on her side to bathe or clothe her it was important to do so carefully so as not to put undue pressure on her joint, causing more pain. On one occasion I forgot this, and simply rolled her onto her side. I immediately saw that I had caused her to have a good deal of unnecessary pain. Before I could begin telling her how sorry I was, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said: "John, you're going to have to be more careful about how you roll me over or I won't let you put me in that coffin." That type of gallows humor may not appeal to some, but it remains one of my treasured memories of Gwen's unflagging courage and ability to make light of even the most dire circumstances.
Gwen loved it when I would write poems for her. On my birthday, shortly after that magic evening when we realized that, as Gwen put it, "maybe we should think about getting married," she surprised me with a birthday card that revealed a romantic, poetic side of her that she didn't often show:
HER PERFECT POEM
It was tucked away,
among our treasured letters;
simple, a piece of plain white paper
carefully folded into quadrants;
on the front is written:
Happy Birthday “Hon”
Inside, her carefully printed words
fill my heart even more today:
I searched and searched
for a card for one so
perfect as you but could
find none to compare.
It is probably a good
thing that you can’t see your-
self in the mirror of my
heart. You’d probably
be “conceited.”
Happy Birthday
to the “perfect” guy!!
ALL my Love,
Gwen
In my hand I hold the most perfect
poem ever written.
Living with you was never boring, Dear, I see the legacy of your humor and poetic nature in each of our children, and now our grandchildren.
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