My memoir-writing group had its first meeting of the year today. There are a lot of new members, and it's a large group, so I'm not sure I'll stay with it. I did prepare something to read today--it had to do with events leading up to my trip to the Pacific Northwest last month. My intention is to chronicle that whole trip as some sort of memoir. It was a good thing for me to do, and it will be helpful for me to write about what I learned from it.
Late this afternoon my friend called and we played golf for a couple of hours. Rain moved in as we were finishing up, and it was somehow comforting to come home and make a nice salad for dinner and warm some soup. Then. . .reality once again sets in, and I find myself wishing Gwen were here with me. Although it doesn't happen as frequently, there are still many moments during each day when I get that sinking feeling in my stomach, and I must once again come to grips with the fact that Gwen will never again be with me. It was particularly poignant yesterday afternoon after my appointment with Dave, the psychologist I've been seeing. We had a really good session, and, as I was walking toward the elevator on my way home, I was anxious to get home and tell Gwen all about it. Then it's sort of that stupid feeling that has to do with acknowledging that if Gwen were home waiting for me I would not have needed to have the counseling session. It confuses me to think about this, and yet I know that I am on the verge of a great insight about it, and I need to keep on working it through. As I re-read what I have just written, I was reminded that Gwen's brother, Ted, often made the observation that we "apple knockers" think too much. No matter; I miss Gwen terribly right now.
Tomorrow I am driving up north to Gladwin for a four-day golf outing with other retired teachers. During Gwen's illness I didn't want to leave her for that length of time, so it's been a while since I attended. The outing will be at Vaughn Filsinger's cottage at the Sugar Spring Resort. Vaughn was a principal at Forsythe Middle School where I worked for several years, and one of the best bosses I've ever had; he died of cancer several years ago, but his two sons maintain the tradition of having the golf outing. In a way, if I'm going to leave my nest I'd rather spend time visiting with one of our children, but perhaps it will be good for me to get away and do something I haven't done for a while. It's just that I don't kid myself for one moment that this will be getting back to normal. Normal would be having Gwen waiting for me when I return home. This is something different; that's all.
I'm not sure whether or not I'll have Internet access where I'm going. In all likelihood I will take a break from posting to this blog until Sunday.
Dear, I know that you told me to go on living and enjoy myself after you were gone. The go on living part seems to be working, but enjoying will take some doing. I love you and miss you dearly.
Late this afternoon my friend called and we played golf for a couple of hours. Rain moved in as we were finishing up, and it was somehow comforting to come home and make a nice salad for dinner and warm some soup. Then. . .reality once again sets in, and I find myself wishing Gwen were here with me. Although it doesn't happen as frequently, there are still many moments during each day when I get that sinking feeling in my stomach, and I must once again come to grips with the fact that Gwen will never again be with me. It was particularly poignant yesterday afternoon after my appointment with Dave, the psychologist I've been seeing. We had a really good session, and, as I was walking toward the elevator on my way home, I was anxious to get home and tell Gwen all about it. Then it's sort of that stupid feeling that has to do with acknowledging that if Gwen were home waiting for me I would not have needed to have the counseling session. It confuses me to think about this, and yet I know that I am on the verge of a great insight about it, and I need to keep on working it through. As I re-read what I have just written, I was reminded that Gwen's brother, Ted, often made the observation that we "apple knockers" think too much. No matter; I miss Gwen terribly right now.
Tomorrow I am driving up north to Gladwin for a four-day golf outing with other retired teachers. During Gwen's illness I didn't want to leave her for that length of time, so it's been a while since I attended. The outing will be at Vaughn Filsinger's cottage at the Sugar Spring Resort. Vaughn was a principal at Forsythe Middle School where I worked for several years, and one of the best bosses I've ever had; he died of cancer several years ago, but his two sons maintain the tradition of having the golf outing. In a way, if I'm going to leave my nest I'd rather spend time visiting with one of our children, but perhaps it will be good for me to get away and do something I haven't done for a while. It's just that I don't kid myself for one moment that this will be getting back to normal. Normal would be having Gwen waiting for me when I return home. This is something different; that's all.
I'm not sure whether or not I'll have Internet access where I'm going. In all likelihood I will take a break from posting to this blog until Sunday.
Dear, I know that you told me to go on living and enjoy myself after you were gone. The go on living part seems to be working, but enjoying will take some doing. I love you and miss you dearly.
1 comment:
Well said, John. The "go on living part" is working for me, too ... but the missing part makes enjoying it especially difficult.
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