Today started out dark, cold and rainy. Then, around noon, a cold wind blew in from Canada (Did you do that, Ginette?) , and dried things out so that I was able to get out and mow the lawn later this afternoon. Walking behind the lawn mower is always a time for free association for me--I think about things, and, as the Gestalt people say, one thing leads to another.
Today I got to thinking about a a topic my friends in the grieving community often discuss--masks. I've been reading an article by Oscar Wilde lately, and he makes this statement:". . . .those who want a mask have to wear it." Often we ask for a mask out of a sense of sensitivity to our friends and family who don't feel the pain of loss on an ongoing basis as we do. In the morning, my first thought is that Gwen isn't there. When I go to sleep at night, my last thought is that Gwen isn't there.
As I was mowing the lawn I became aware that I could mow the lawn until dark, and, aside from neighbors who might resent the noise, no one would really care. People driving by might notice me, but to them I would be a guy in the suburbs trying to get his lawn mowed before the next rain. And, no one would be waiting in the house for me to finish and come on in the the house. That's the mask we wear, and, in a way, it is a kindness to those who have gone on with their lives and don't go to sleep each night and awake each morning to the reality that someone who was loved dearly has died. Life goes on. It always sound so sad and pathetic when I write things like this; yet, it is important to do it. Wilde also said this; "Behind each sorrow there is a soul."
What a blessing it is, Dear, to share with you the gift of a love that makes me feel sorrow that reaches the depths of my soul.
Today I got to thinking about a a topic my friends in the grieving community often discuss--masks. I've been reading an article by Oscar Wilde lately, and he makes this statement:". . . .those who want a mask have to wear it." Often we ask for a mask out of a sense of sensitivity to our friends and family who don't feel the pain of loss on an ongoing basis as we do. In the morning, my first thought is that Gwen isn't there. When I go to sleep at night, my last thought is that Gwen isn't there.
As I was mowing the lawn I became aware that I could mow the lawn until dark, and, aside from neighbors who might resent the noise, no one would really care. People driving by might notice me, but to them I would be a guy in the suburbs trying to get his lawn mowed before the next rain. And, no one would be waiting in the house for me to finish and come on in the the house. That's the mask we wear, and, in a way, it is a kindness to those who have gone on with their lives and don't go to sleep each night and awake each morning to the reality that someone who was loved dearly has died. Life goes on. It always sound so sad and pathetic when I write things like this; yet, it is important to do it. Wilde also said this; "Behind each sorrow there is a soul."
What a blessing it is, Dear, to share with you the gift of a love that makes me feel sorrow that reaches the depths of my soul.
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