BEDTIME PARTNER

BEDTIME PARTNER

Every night,

before drifting off ,

I allow myself to feel again

the wonder

of your body next to mine—

close, soft and warm.

I hold you once again

in the way that husbands do,

and count the many times

I welcomed the reality

of your nearness.

It matters not, I suppose,

that all those times are gone,

tonight I’ll know them again

as all those yesterdays

fill and bless my today.

John A. Bayerl, December 6, 2011

Safety is an attractive barrier to genuine faith.  Dave, the guy who is teaching  me to enjoy golf, had that slogan on his desk today.  When someone we love dearly dies, it puts our faith to the test.  At least it does for me.  Gwen's and my marriage was an example of the truth of this slogan.  When we knew that we were in  love with each other there was no doubt, no rationalizing and analyzing.  We just knew that this was it.  The "safe" thing to do would have been to play it safe, have Gwen return to campus and complete her degree 

while I enjoyed teaching for two years and saw her when I could.  Our faith in each other and belief in our love told us to do otherwise.  Several years later Gwen gave me a card on our wedding anniversary that imparted the message that the best decision we ever made was the one to do what we had to do in order to get married as soon as possible; it was a decision neither of us ever regretted.   It wasn't easy, we were lonely during the week when we were apart, and the weekends were never long enough.  Gwen missed being  with her friends at college, and I felt humbled by the sacrifice she was making for me and vowed that she would never be sorry she made the decision that she did, and that she would someday complete college.  Both promises were kept.  

You always made me feel safe, Dear, and now it is our faith in each other and the purity of the love we shared that helps me survive the pain of this time when we are once again apart.  Someday you will again hold out your arms and greet me at the door, and our wounds will all be healed. 

And, to my children and grandchildren:  Happy St. Nicholas Day!