Yesterday was the kind of day I hoped for. Beautiful weather, light traffic, constantly changing scenery; from crossing the Continental Divide at near 7,000 feet to rolling prairies and finally the rolling hills of eastern Montana. I spent some of the day admiring all the natural beauty, and much of the time I spent being angry with God. I know that when two people love each other for years and years it is inevitable that, barring an accident or catastrophe that takes them both at the same time, one will go and the other is left behind. The Bruce Springsteen song, I'll wait for you, comes to mind here. Nonetheless, it just isn't fair for things to be that way.
Then, I thought things through, and came to some realizations. It really isn't fair, but it is comforting to know how much Gwen contributed to making me who I am today. She left me knowing that I am able to care for myself quite competently. Shortly before she died, I recall her asking the nurse how long she might have left. The nurse replied that she wasn't able to predict the future but that it might be before the end of the year.
She then asked Gwen if she was OK with that, and Gwen replied that she was as long as John and the kids were. I assured her that we were. Now, we are living up to that pledge. That's so easy to say, but so hard to do when I see wild horses in the field and want to tell her" "Look, up on the hill, wild horses."
I've fallen behind, Dear; today I had a clear presence of you waiting for me, like you said you would. Our children and everyone who knew and loved you are all helping to make it easier--no, not easier, it's never easy, but it is doable.
Then, I thought things through, and came to some realizations. It really isn't fair, but it is comforting to know how much Gwen contributed to making me who I am today. She left me knowing that I am able to care for myself quite competently. Shortly before she died, I recall her asking the nurse how long she might have left. The nurse replied that she wasn't able to predict the future but that it might be before the end of the year.
She then asked Gwen if she was OK with that, and Gwen replied that she was as long as John and the kids were. I assured her that we were. Now, we are living up to that pledge. That's so easy to say, but so hard to do when I see wild horses in the field and want to tell her" "Look, up on the hill, wild horses."
I've fallen behind, Dear; today I had a clear presence of you waiting for me, like you said you would. Our children and everyone who knew and loved you are all helping to make it easier--no, not easier, it's never easy, but it is doable.
1 comment:
What a powerful post John.
Post a Comment