I'm excited this morning; we will soon be on Mary and Steve's boat for a look at the city of Portland from the water. After a great meal that Mary prepared last night and a visit with Kathy and Rob and some of the children, Mary and I stayed up and had a great conversation; about life, and death and everything in between. It is always such a privilege to get to know these "kids" and their families in a context other than an occasional family reunion, or wedding or funeral--a depth is always discovered that I always knew was there but seldom had time to explore. It reminds me of a quote I read yesterday: "The farther away from my past I get, the nearer I am to it."
More later, time to get ready for the big day on the water.
I'm tired, but it was a tremendous day on the water. Steve is a master boatman and tour guide; I particularly enjoyed seeing the shipyard where he works. We toured the city of Portland by water, took the Willamette River from the falls at one end to where it joins the mighty Columbia River. The weather was perfect, I once again enjoyed the company of Mary, two of her friends, and her niece, Patti. The stop at a dockside restaurant for lunch added to the enjoyment. All-in-all, a spectacular day, and one I won't soon forget.
Then there's the matter of feeling Gwen's presence everywhere. I remembered how much she enjoyed boating, and how much she would have loved being with us today. That's always a tough thing: on the one hand, there's the genuine enjoyment of the day and a deep feeling of gratitude for the friends and family who go out of their way to show me loving kindness everywhere I go; on the other hand, there's the frequent sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my eyes tear up when I feel how wrong it seems that Gwen isn't enjoying it with me. I know that I write about feeling that dichotomy often, and sometimes think that maybe I think about it too much. Am I being selfish? But, the feelings are there, and I must acknowledge and work them through. A long time ago I wrote it: "The deeper the love, the greater the grief."
Tomorrow will be another fun-filled day as we plan to attend a soccer game featuring Portland's professional team.
You were with me in so many ways today, Dear; we cherished little things we did together then, like coffee and cake at twilight in the restaurant on the bluff overlooking the city; feeling the enchantment of seeing the lights come on one by one. I'll never forget those times. Today I told Mary that I was enjoying the day twice--once for you and once for me.
.
More later, time to get ready for the big day on the water.
I'm tired, but it was a tremendous day on the water. Steve is a master boatman and tour guide; I particularly enjoyed seeing the shipyard where he works. We toured the city of Portland by water, took the Willamette River from the falls at one end to where it joins the mighty Columbia River. The weather was perfect, I once again enjoyed the company of Mary, two of her friends, and her niece, Patti. The stop at a dockside restaurant for lunch added to the enjoyment. All-in-all, a spectacular day, and one I won't soon forget.
Then there's the matter of feeling Gwen's presence everywhere. I remembered how much she enjoyed boating, and how much she would have loved being with us today. That's always a tough thing: on the one hand, there's the genuine enjoyment of the day and a deep feeling of gratitude for the friends and family who go out of their way to show me loving kindness everywhere I go; on the other hand, there's the frequent sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my eyes tear up when I feel how wrong it seems that Gwen isn't enjoying it with me. I know that I write about feeling that dichotomy often, and sometimes think that maybe I think about it too much. Am I being selfish? But, the feelings are there, and I must acknowledge and work them through. A long time ago I wrote it: "The deeper the love, the greater the grief."
Tomorrow will be another fun-filled day as we plan to attend a soccer game featuring Portland's professional team.
You were with me in so many ways today, Dear; we cherished little things we did together then, like coffee and cake at twilight in the restaurant on the bluff overlooking the city; feeling the enchantment of seeing the lights come on one by one. I'll never forget those times. Today I told Mary that I was enjoying the day twice--once for you and once for me.
.
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