It's been a long but wonderful day. After rising early I packed a few more things in the car and then hit the road. It was a perfect day for driving, traffic was light, and I made it all the way to Minnesota before calling it a day. After a drive of almost 700 miles, it was good to meet up with Dick and Mary and Beth and her family for a meal. Now it's late, and I will soon be off to bed.
Today is one of those anniversaries. (I don't like to call them anniversaries, that word has connotations of celebrating a joyous event, maybe commemoration would be a better choice of words.) It was nine months ago that I was with Gwen as she took her last breath. As I was driving today, I had time to reflect back on that night, and some memories are beginning to come back--nothing bad or traumatic, but I can't talk about it yet.
I do have remorse that I wasn't better prepared to accept the reality that Gwen was dying. But, then I realize that it all happened rather suddenly, and for almost five years there was always another day with her. This time there wasn't.
I have regrets that I didn't see the signs almost a week earlier that the end was coming. Gwen tried to tell me, and I couldn't hear what she was saying. Yet, I realize that I was too busy loving her to come to grips with the fact that she would indeed die some day soon. As Diane, one of my online friends put it, "I wasn't done loving her yet." I realize too that I did the best job of caring for my perfect partner that I knew how to do right up to the end.
Thank you, Dear, for teaching me how to love--and forgive. It's just that I wasn't done loving you. . .
Today is one of those anniversaries. (I don't like to call them anniversaries, that word has connotations of celebrating a joyous event, maybe commemoration would be a better choice of words.) It was nine months ago that I was with Gwen as she took her last breath. As I was driving today, I had time to reflect back on that night, and some memories are beginning to come back--nothing bad or traumatic, but I can't talk about it yet.
I do have remorse that I wasn't better prepared to accept the reality that Gwen was dying. But, then I realize that it all happened rather suddenly, and for almost five years there was always another day with her. This time there wasn't.
I have regrets that I didn't see the signs almost a week earlier that the end was coming. Gwen tried to tell me, and I couldn't hear what she was saying. Yet, I realize that I was too busy loving her to come to grips with the fact that she would indeed die some day soon. As Diane, one of my online friends put it, "I wasn't done loving her yet." I realize too that I did the best job of caring for my perfect partner that I knew how to do right up to the end.
Thank you, Dear, for teaching me how to love--and forgive. It's just that I wasn't done loving you. . .
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