Today has been another day when I felt myself being two people. I was out in the world, doing things, enjoying myself, laughing, being the kind of person people expect me to be. Then there was that other John. . .
John in the world went to his memoir-writing class, received much positive feedback on his accounting of lessons learned on his trip to the Pacific Northwest in August. On the way out, one of the women in the group took me aside and reminded me to be grateful for the gift that the love Gwen and I have is not a common occurrence. I thanked her sincerely, it is hard to keep that in mind when I miss her so much every day. There is much to be thankful for.
Then, it was off to my singing lesson with Kyle. I have an idea for a great memoir about my experience in the world of vocal music. It will be pretty funny. As I was leaving the School of music I was taken by flowers that were in bloom in one of the gardens near the entrance. They looked like crocuses, but were a lot larger. It seemed strange to see crocuses blooming in the fall. I also noticed a tree filled with choke cherries, the fact that I was noticing these things told me that I was becoming more mindful of the world around me. The juxtaposition of newly-blossoming spring-like flowers and a cherry tree loaded with ripe fruit reminded me of the life I now live.
Yes, I am enjoying life as it reaches fullness; then there are those memories of love in bloom:
John in the world went to his memoir-writing class, received much positive feedback on his accounting of lessons learned on his trip to the Pacific Northwest in August. On the way out, one of the women in the group took me aside and reminded me to be grateful for the gift that the love Gwen and I have is not a common occurrence. I thanked her sincerely, it is hard to keep that in mind when I miss her so much every day. There is much to be thankful for.
Then, it was off to my singing lesson with Kyle. I have an idea for a great memoir about my experience in the world of vocal music. It will be pretty funny. As I was leaving the School of music I was taken by flowers that were in bloom in one of the gardens near the entrance. They looked like crocuses, but were a lot larger. It seemed strange to see crocuses blooming in the fall. I also noticed a tree filled with choke cherries, the fact that I was noticing these things told me that I was becoming more mindful of the world around me. The juxtaposition of newly-blossoming spring-like flowers and a cherry tree loaded with ripe fruit reminded me of the life I now live.
Yes, I am enjoying life as it reaches fullness; then there are those memories of love in bloom:
SOMETHING
Carefully, cautiously we approached each other
during our first autumn;
talked the talk and walked the walk,
played the games and danced the dance.
Was it the balmy spring night that thawed more than snow;
warmed cautious hearts, brought us closer than ever before?
There was more than magic in the air that night.
We looked in each other’s eyes, saw something there,
something we’d never seen before,
something that made us tremble in fear and awe,
then knew it for what it was.
From then on, I love you is easy to say—
always and forever.
John A. Bayerl, September 28, 2011
It was a rare and beautiful gift we received that spring night, Dear. Tonight I looked out the kitchen window and saw the red leaves on the maple trees in front of the house--a reminder, life has its seasons
1 comment:
Quite a powerful post. Indeed, your path is leading you to a new place in your journey with grief. It is in the accumulated subtle and small things that you can now measure how far you have come. It is a good place John.
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