Reminders

A beautiful Cardinal just arrived at our bird feeder.  Gwen loved seeing  a cardinal as much as she did a hummingbird.  That flash of bright red did much to lift the mood of what's been an otherwise pretty gloomy day--cloudy, rain, sleet, even a little snow.    A perfect ending to a week when I seem to have regressed somewhat; whatever that means.  I've been sad and lonely much of the time and can't seem to shake it.  Going to church this morning helped, we sang songs that were favorites for Gwen and me.  Even there I cried quite often.  I  know a lot of it has to do with the upcoming Tuesday, the five year remembrance of the diagnosis that changed everything.  Then, a week after that is the six-month remembrance of her death.

On days like this, any reminder of her can get the tears flowing.  I laundered the bedding today, and while taking things out of the dryer remembered the little things Gwen would do, like teaching me how to fold a fitted sheet.  When I made up the bed I was again reminded of her when I did that little trick  with the 45 degree angle on the corner of the mattress.  It's all those things we never think of while we're about the business of living.  What a price we pay to have the ordinary made precious.  Remember, John,  when things are hard, it's best to go easy.

A dear old friend sent me a poem that he thought captured the sort of love he saw Gwen and me share.  He said it was OK for me to post it here:

True Love is the vibrations of tuning forks,

Each seeking a Dream of intensive beauty.

And,when their souls meet,

They share the excitement and joys,

Of performing in the orchestra of Love,

For Ever and Always.

                                               

I love the poem.  You always signed your letters that way, Dear; Forever and Always.   Sunday nights remind me of the many times we would cry when it was time to say goodbye until next Friday.