SADNESS OVERTAKES ME

Although I forgot to turn on my alarm clock last night, by some miracle I awakened at 4:45 a. m.  and was able to make it to the airport in time for a 6:20 flight.  When I arrived in Denver Jeanne was there right on time.  It was raining.  Wait! It never rains in Denver.  Anyway, it's been nice getting settled in here until next Monday.  Jeanne and I had a nice lunch, wee ate outside, in the sunshine.  Isabelle returned from school an hour or so ago, and we have been enjoying being grandpa and granddaughter.  Nick is on the track team, so he won't be home for a while.

It's still kind of hard doing these things for the first time without Gwen.  A year ago no one could have told me what this would feel like.  It's hard, and, although it happens all the time, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  We'll do some exciting and fun things while I'm here, and it is good to be away for a while.  I again count myself among the lucky to have children that Gwen helped me raise who are so loving and caring.  I don't think everyone who has lost a spouse is able to say that.

Through some sort of miracle there was only one empty seat on the plane this morning, and it was right next to me.  I wrote about it:

SADNESS OVERTAKES ME

The sadness overtakes me,

slowly,

as I sit here, by myself,

on this airplane

bound for happy times

with those who love me

dearly.

I miss her nervous excitement.

Each time we flew

was like the first time ever for her;

so many things to worry about.

I always kept her safe.

 The seat beside me

remains empty;

the one where she

should be sitting.

Bored, more than tired,

she would lay her head

on my shoulder,

look up at me

with her big, blue eyes,

breathe softly on my neck.

The sadness overtakes me.

John A. Bayerl, April 21, 2011

This afternoon we watched some old family videos that you were in.  It was so nice to hear your voice and see your face, Dear.