FEELING BLEAK

Some days it just happens; today was one of those days when I feel overtaken by sadness and a longing for Gwen to be with me.  Anne came home for the holiday weekend with Sue up north--we had lunch down on campus and then she left in the afternoon.  It's pretty impossilbe to feel down when she is around.  It's another beautiful day, so I'll find some outdoor activities to keep me occupied and distracted, but there's only so much of that I can do--what we resist, persists.  When Gwen was with me she occupied the center of my life, now that she is gone the big empty spot where she was occupies my life.  Over time that big old hole will be filled, but for now it has to be faced and accepted.  I continue to try to honor Gwen by being the best kind of person I know how to be, writing this blog is part of that.  Writing poems is also part of the recovery project:

FEELING BLEAK           

 I don’t like feeling bleak.

Cornfields and wheat fields
in the fall feel bleak.
Economic outlooks are bleak.
People can’t feel bleak,
can they?

It happens when distractions disappear

and I am reminded that the one
who added color and tone,
indeed life, to my life
is gone.

 People can feel bleak.

John A. Bayerl, July 1, 2011

Thank you, Dear, for the spice you added to my life--it was never bleak when you were with me.