WHY THE SMILE

It's good to be back home.  When I arrived in my garage at 1:09 a. m. this morning, the smart screen on the dash of the car told me that I had traveled 5,962 miles and averaged 45.1 miles per gallon of gas.  The nice lady with the kind of sexy voice, who lives behind the screen, made me feel welcome by announcing: "You have arrived at your destination."  With more than a twinge of sadness I realized that my 17 day affair with the nice lady had come to an end.  I hoped it had been as good for her as it had for me.  She did all the work:  calculated distances; planned routes, told me about construction ahead and heavy traffic that lay ahead, and told me when I had to mend my ways with the same gentle voice; what she said was, "Make a legal U-turn," that's all, no threats, no recriminations, no guilt trips; just that gentle suggestion.  If I failed to heed her instructions, she simply shrugged her shoulders and planned another way for me to get to my destination.  Our parting was not painful--we both knew it had to come to an end, and parted as friends.

Walking into the empty house at 1:00 in the morning evoked those same sad feelings it always does, but it was also comforting to be back in the sanctum that Gwen and I had created; I feel her presence everywhere. This came to me this morning:

WHY THE SMILE

It’s never easy,

coming home

to an empty house.

I miss your voice,

your smile,

the warm embrace,

your smell,

everything that made you you.

This morning,

to take the sting from the homecoming,

I lay on the bed where you lay

all those hours, days, weeks, months,

and years—that your were told

you would not have.

I stared at the corner,

where the golden wall meets the white ceiling,

saw what you saw,

and knew why,

whenever I entered the room

you always greeted me

with a big, beautiful smile.

John A. Bayerl, August 27, 2011

One thing I learned while I was gone, Dear, is that I can be alone, all by myself, and walk tall.  You were with me as I enjoyed renewed friendships and God's good and beautiful earth.