A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

It's been another busy day.  First the gym, then a quick meeting with friends from the old Forestbrooke  days before heading out to Dexter for a lunch and tour of The Cedars of Dexter.  I may want to consider moving there when the time is right.  Then, since I was already out that way, I took the obligatory visit to the place we owned on Baseline Lake.  Unexpectedly, there was a double dose of sadness when I also drove near the Dexter Veterinary Clinic where I took Max last year.  I found myself missing him and would have even welcomed his panting from the back seat.  Hold up, kids, I didn't miss him enough to want to get another one!  All of my memories of the home on the lake are happy ones.  Those were wonderful years, and we had many good times entertaining family and friends there.  I parked on the road for a while and remembered all those times with my sweetheart of a wife and the times when the kids came home for special events or parties.  Of course there were tears.

I was feeling a little uneasy since getting home, and then I knew why.  It's a sunny Friday afternoon, like that Friday afternoon last November.   Those memories die hard.  As I was reminded of that ending, I was also reminded of a much happier time right at the beginning of our marriage, the night of our wedding.    We stayed at  motel in Crystal Falls,  the name of which far surpassed its reality: The Valley View Motel.  It was kind of up on a hill right there at the city limits and there was a bit of a view of an open valley of sorts.  Needless to say, the view was the farthest thing from our minds. After the hullabaloo of the wedding ceremony and reception, even after the sex, or might I say especially after the sex. (I know, kids, I'll bet you wish you'd have stopped at the part about the dog.),  I have this memory that always brings me peace.  It is a memory of lying close to my new bride and feeling completely relaxed and at peace and as sure as I could be that this was meant to be.  I'm sure many people who have experienced an intimate physical relationship have felt this.  And, I remember thinking that this is how I want to end each day for as long as the two of us are together, with this feeling of peace and harmony.   I suppose there are those who might ask what the point might be in reviving memories like this.  I don't think that anyone who grieves the loss of a love intentionally sets out to remember all the details of that life of love--it just happens sometimes.  And, speaking only for me, I don't think it is possible to complete the grieving process in a healthy manner without reliving what it is that is lost. This is a poem that's been simmering about this topic:

A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

 Our first night together

we lay next to each other

as close to one as two can be.

Who she was filled the contours

and made soft the edges,

of who I was and ever would be,

and we discovered love's serenity

in the simple, easy way lovers do.

Now is time for the wedding vows:

This is what we've been waiting for.

Is all we said, and nothing more

needed saying or could be said.

  

John A. Bayerl, March 22, 2011

It was perfect, having you next to me, no need for sleeping pills or counting sheep.  I got out the calculator and did some figuring; we had more than 17,000 nights like that.  What I wouldn't do for just one more night.