COTTAGE IN CANADA

I try to keep busy.  Yesterday was no exception.  Workout at the gym.   My memoir writing group was exceptional.  A reporter and photographer were there do do a story.  We showed off a bit for them. Later last evening, dinner with friends from a support groups Gwen and I attended.

The most wonderful thing was my visit to the gift shop where Gwen bought me the faceless figurine a year ago last Christmas.  I had been near the place a couple of times, but couldn't bring myself to go inside, those "firsts" are always so hard.  Yesterday was no exception.  Wouldn't you know, just as I'm about to enter the store, a young woman pushing her mother in a wheelchair came trundling down the sidewalk.  I held the door open for them, just as I am sure someone did for Gwen and me.  I entered the store, bought a few things, among them a faceless figurine ornament holding a heart.  On the back it says "Held in the heart forever."  You'll like this, Gwen, it was 75% off.  As I was paying for the things I bought I had to tell the owner about the last time I had been in her store, with Gwen, and that Gwen died in November.  She had tears in her eyes as she hugged me and made me take a couple of chocolates for later. I know, Gwen, embarrassing.

Now that I have time, I find myself recalling and relishing these moments that at the time may have seemed so ordinary.  I think that how it works for me as I come to grips with the loss of my perfect partner.  Not an ordinary event by any stretch of the imagination was when Gwen and I decided to own a cottage on St. Joseph Island, about an hour east of the Soo in Canada.  Such fond memories:

COTTAGE ON ST. JOE ISLAND

Throughout our life together,

beginning with the spring night

when she said

you know what, John,

we should think about getting married,

all of my good ideas

were hers first.

Let’s get a cottage on an island in Canada.

Sure.

We loved the cry of the loons.

owning a moon

that flat out bounced from the lake,

seeing stars we’d never seen.

Never thought I’d drive

a Honda Four-Wheeler

loaded with pudding stones.

The people were the best

Carmen and Linda

and their kids

best neighbors ever.

This spring I’ll go back

to visit St. Joseph Island

and the cottage we sold.

It will be hard

as are most things these days

that bring her near

but this one especially

the loons, pudding stones

the couch by the stove.

John A. Bayerl, March 3, 2011

Thank you, lover, for all of my good ideas that you gave me.  That one about getting married was a really good one.