THE RAW MIX

Those of us who have taken the long cancer journey know that it is aptly described as a roller-coaster ride.  Gwen and I loved roller coasters, but not the ride we were forced to take on this one.  Oh no, we would much rather that we didn't have to get on in the first place.  She is with me now in a different way as I travel the up and down contours of trying to recover from losing her physical presence.  Once again, these words come to mind: it will take as long as it takes.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  It's finding that balance between weepy, whiny self-pity and falsely courageous false hope.  This is going to take as long as it takes.  Time means more that  Tears In My Eyes. 

This is a poem about this complicated process:

THE RAW MIX

The raw mix has changed

a shift, one way or the other,

something’s been added

or subtracted,

there’s more this

less that.

The weeping subdued

and quiet.

Wait! 

You’ve been fooled before.

Round that corner,

you could be right back

where you started.

John A. Bayerl, March 7, 2011

Stay with me, dear, we'll learn to enjoy the ride.