MEMORY FLOOD

My friend, Marie, has been at this longer than I.  I often saw her in church, and had heard that her husband died, but I really didn't know her real well.  She is in the bereavement group I've been attending, and, through our participation in the group, we've formed a bond.  (Oh no, another Mary.)  Anyway, Marie called today to ask about our group meeting tomorrow, and, in the course of that conversation, we talked about how as time goes by we sometimes miss our spouses more than ever  And, we cried.   Gosh, it's such a hard thing, this grieving.  I try to keep in mind that Gwen wants me to be strong and happy.  I try to  cherish fond memories of our special love and marriage.  Still it hurts to know that she isn't there sitting in the chair next to me. That's the hard, cold reality of it.

A while back I visited a gift store that Gwen and I had shopped in a year ago at Christmas.  This was the store where she surprised me by getting the figurine of a man and woman that I now cherish and have in a special place on the mantel.  It was another of those first times without her.  I'm learning that if I talk with people about this kind of experience they are always understanding and incredibly caring about it.

MEMORY FLOOD

A  memory flood,

that gift shop

where you shopped for

my Christmas present.

Clearance, Christmas items,

memorial ornament,

faceless, heart of gold,

 “Kept forever in the heart.”

Best of all, sweetheart,

75% off.

I told the woman in the store,

the owner,

about our last visit there;

you in the wheelchair,

how special it was.

She cried,

gave me some expensive

bonbons

one for you

one for me.

How sweet of her.

John A. Bayerl, 2-7-2011

Each time I have an experience like this it reminds me of how precious what we had was; something special  that we created and then nurtured and grew for our time together.  Of course I'm going to miss that--for a long, long time.  In one of her letters she said: I love you and will always miss you when you're not here with me.  Forever.  I like all of  that, especially the forever part.