FIRST DATE

I'm never quite sure what triggers them, but since her death I have had numerous "flash backs" to moments when Gwen and I had just begun our relationship.  More recent memories also flood my mind at times, especially the ones about her final hours; I think I have to keep re-living that until it becomes real.  It is hard, hard, hard to reconcile the finality and cruelty of death with so many remembered joys and passionate moments that were shared with the one who lay there cold and unmoving.  Of course, were it not for the memories, it wouldn't be so hard to do.  This is about a particularly fond memory of seeing a movie with Gwen for the first time:

FIRST DATE

I remember telling her

how cute I thought she was.

That sounds like a line,

she said.

She was like that,

never had to guess

where I stood with her.

Then  I asked her to

see a movie with me.

She got all flustered.

That didn’t happen often.

We held hands at the movie,

when we weren’t eating popcorn.

I don’t remember the name of the movie.

It was at a theater in Negaunee.

John A. Bayerl, March 4, 2011

 It wasn't a box of popcorn.  I shared a pineapple mango smoothie from MacDonald's with Gwen on her last night.  I held and stroked her hand then as I did in that theater in Negaunee.  Sharing love, feeding and nourishing it.  That began when I held her hand and kissed her for the first time. I don't feel like it ended when I held her hand and kissed her for the last time.