My friend Terry said something that comforts me. I always want to feel the pain, I want her presence in my life to never be gone. Makes sense to me. This isn't an easy thing, this getting over the loss of this person who, in some ways, was at the core of my being. People who knew us always comment on how we did everything together, and we did. It will never be easy to "get over" that.
I had a nice long workout at the gym this morning; that always does wonders as far as elevating my mood is concerned. This afternoon Story Time Players, good to be a little busy. I've been thinking lately about how some people choose to deal with their grief over the death of a loved one by becoming involved in a totally different lifestyle. I suppose that at some point that will be an option for me, but at this time it would seem like the easy way out and would dishonor the love of my life, Gwen. It is OK, I think, to be easy on one's self where the hard stuff is concerned. I recently attended a concert where one of the acts was named Po' Girls, two young women who did most of the singing and two guys who played backup music. One of their song has this line in it, When it's hard, better go easy. I get that. To honor Gwen and fully complete the process of grieving her death it will be necessary to encounter some hard things, like yesterday's overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness, and to face them in an easy way, resist the urge to force and hurry things. I think this poem is about that:
EASY ISN'T EASY
It might have been easier
to get over it quickly
put aside her pictures
throw away all those letters
and cards
things that remind me
of what can no longer be.
But then,
what becomes of
memories
scents
feelings
tastes
and, oh, her touch,
visions
even sounds
of her existence?
As the song says,
when it's hard, go easy. . .
John A. Bayerl, March 13, 2011
It will be OK to always feel some pain, to always have you in my memory. It will be hard, but we can go easy like we did when we lived it.
1 comment:
I hear you, John. There's a discussion on Widowed Village asking when you took off your wedding rings. I'm amazed at how many said they removed them immediately because it would be a lie to keep wearing them since they are no longer married. I don't feel that way. I AM still married (and always will be) to Vern. Taking the rings off, for me, would be a lie. So many also got rid of everything right away, saying it hurt too much to have it there. Your poem says it perfectly for me.
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