I'll Wait for You.

It's a cold, dark, rainy late afternoon, there's even a little thunder;  a good time to be as sad as I want to be.  And, I want to be sad for a while. It's still so hard not having that warm presence here with me.  I don't think I'm over-idealizing her.  We found each other and made it work and I miss all we had.

 I went to church this morning and again counted my blessings; four children who love and support me in every way possible, friends and relatives who look out for me, good health, a place to live, able to do everything I want. I even have friends all over the country and world who encourage and support me.  Who could ask for more?  Much to be grateful for.

Sally was in church with her daughter and her husband.  Don wasn't there.  Don's been getting radiation treatments for a brain tumor.  I hugged Sally, and she clung to me.  A side effect of the treatments is unwarranted, unexpected anger.  She reacts with resentment and anger of her own.  Who wouldn't?  I told her to own the anger.  She's earned it.  All of us who have felt the evil power of cancer have earned every bit of whatever we may feel at any given time.  So, I'm going to feel sad for a while longer.

These words just kind of came to me:

She was here
she mattered

she’s gone

that matters.

So, yes, I'll feel sad for a while longer.  I heard an old Bruce Springsteen song today, I'll Wait for You.  Sure means more now.