DREAMLESS AWAKENINGS

Today has been one of those days when I've had a zillion insights.  Now I can't remember a single one of them.  I've been reviewing materials in preparation for the class son John and I will teach this summer. The Holmes-Rahe Life Event Scale is a paper and pencil instrument that is used to predict the likely occurrence of illness following stressful event in a person's life.  I hadn't looked at it in a while, and was dumbfounded to see that right at the top of the list was "Death of a Spouse."  Hmmm. . . .It's worth a hundred points.

Sometimes I attend a 5:10  Mass on weekdays; I did today.  Gives me a chance to get grounded and centered plus I have an awful lot of people to pray for.  My singing teacher was there without her fiancée, so I sat and chatted with.  She is really something, she has to be to get a man my age to stand in front of a mirror mouthing vowels.  Busy growing.

I wrote this a few days ago, it seems grim, but really its' an accurate reflection of what it's like for me to be getting old while getting used to not having my perfect partner at my side:

DREAMLESS AWAKENINGS

Yet another night

of dreamless awakenings.

Seeking satisfaction for my soul

I find only the relief

made necessary by

the demands of an aging body

lacking supple elasticity of youth

Tears that once flowed freely

are now gone,

leaving me dry-eyed

staring at images and

imaginings of our youth

Gone like the easy fluid movements

of bodies intertwined

that sought no release

other than that of blissful ending.

John A. Bayerl, May 4, 2011

I felt your love all day today, Dear.