Maybe it's the weather. I heard today that for 24 of the past 28 days it has been either cloudy or rainy in Ann Arbor. So, today was one of those weepy days. This morning I noticed a pair of Gwen's reading glasses on a table. I had lent them to one of my cousins this weekend. This morning when I looked at them I just began to cry. She was forever losing those glasses. Later, as I put my hand on her urn and talked with her, the tears flowed again. It wasn't anything important that I talked about with her. Later, as I was driving over to my brother's home for a visit, I again had a conversation with her about something I've been thinking about a lot today, and those now familiar feelings of loss and loneliness bring on the tears.
On the bright side, I had a nice visit with Dick and Mary, including a tour of his garden in the rain. I could see that in a few days it will be gorgeous. One of Gwen's high school friends got in touch with me, and we finalized plans for a visit this summer when I plan to visit my sister-in-law in Gaastra. Son John called, as did son Mike, it always cheers me to talk with them. I've felt a real bond with each of my children since Gwen died. All of these things are on the plus side of the sheet that shows what kind of a day I've had. A couple of my former students at NMU who are now enjoying careers in school counseling and administration informed me that they will be near here to visit relatives this summer and I will have a chance to visit with them. Put that way up high on the plus side. A former colleague and friend who now teaches English in California sent me the nicest message. The balance sheet is tipping and now shows a positive balance.
This is an old poem, and it is the totally wrong time of year for it, but I like its message:
On the bright side, I had a nice visit with Dick and Mary, including a tour of his garden in the rain. I could see that in a few days it will be gorgeous. One of Gwen's high school friends got in touch with me, and we finalized plans for a visit this summer when I plan to visit my sister-in-law in Gaastra. Son John called, as did son Mike, it always cheers me to talk with them. I've felt a real bond with each of my children since Gwen died. All of these things are on the plus side of the sheet that shows what kind of a day I've had. A couple of my former students at NMU who are now enjoying careers in school counseling and administration informed me that they will be near here to visit relatives this summer and I will have a chance to visit with them. Put that way up high on the plus side. A former colleague and friend who now teaches English in California sent me the nicest message. The balance sheet is tipping and now shows a positive balance.
This is an old poem, and it is the totally wrong time of year for it, but I like its message:
LOSS OF INNOCENCE
Red, red maple leaves
on early October
white, white snow—
like blood on linen.
The overpowering beauty,
necessarily weakened by
temporary nature and incongruity.
The snow will melt,
the leaves will fall—
innocence lost again.
All will be new in the spring . . .
John A. Bayerl, October, 2002
I remember well, Dear, that ride we took up to Negaunee after an early October snowstorm. We stopped to admire a single maple tree in full fall color standing in an unbroken field of white. Two old, well married people kissed to show their appreciation of such a gift of God.
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