I don't watch a lot of TV anymore, much rather listen to Mozart or maybe Alison Krause. Yesterday was an exception, Obama got Osama, enough said.
A friend, also a recent widow, today posted a blog about the lack of sensitivity of others, particularly friends and relatives, to the shape and nature grief. It is a universal experience, yet totally unique for every person who undergoes it. Those of us who grieve understand how, beginning at the moment our beloved breathed his or her last breath, life went on as usual for the rest of the world. However, at that moment we reacted like the rest of the world reacted about the news that Osama bin Laden had taken his last breath. To quote Joe Biden on another occasion, "This is a BFD." Life will never be the same. In her post today my friend Ginette said it well: There are many shades of grief. Our grief is based on our life experiences before our loss. Our grief is based on the many losses we might have had before this loss. Our grief is based on the relationship with our husband/wife before their death. These are but a few of the factors that influence how each person will experience the loss of a spouse.
I can speak only for myself when I say that until I lost Gwen I had no idea what it would be like to no longer have her at my side, and I was totally unprepared for the devastating feelings of grief that have followed. There are those who urge me to "find the new normal." To those well-meaning individuals I say, "the new normal is never being normal again." This grief will take as long as it takes and it will feel like whatever it feels like. I understand that my many friends and relatives wish for me to "be happy" and "be the person Gwen wants you to be." Were it that simple. It's not that I need help forgetting her, that would be impossible; it's that I fear she will be forgotten. I want to talk about what a beautiful and loving person she was. A smile, a hug, an unexpected phone call, a card in the mail, an old picture; yes, it is that simple.
I know, Dear, you always warned me about being preachy. I'm afraid I may have fallen back into an old habit here.
A friend, also a recent widow, today posted a blog about the lack of sensitivity of others, particularly friends and relatives, to the shape and nature grief. It is a universal experience, yet totally unique for every person who undergoes it. Those of us who grieve understand how, beginning at the moment our beloved breathed his or her last breath, life went on as usual for the rest of the world. However, at that moment we reacted like the rest of the world reacted about the news that Osama bin Laden had taken his last breath. To quote Joe Biden on another occasion, "This is a BFD." Life will never be the same. In her post today my friend Ginette said it well: There are many shades of grief. Our grief is based on our life experiences before our loss. Our grief is based on the many losses we might have had before this loss. Our grief is based on the relationship with our husband/wife before their death. These are but a few of the factors that influence how each person will experience the loss of a spouse.
I can speak only for myself when I say that until I lost Gwen I had no idea what it would be like to no longer have her at my side, and I was totally unprepared for the devastating feelings of grief that have followed. There are those who urge me to "find the new normal." To those well-meaning individuals I say, "the new normal is never being normal again." This grief will take as long as it takes and it will feel like whatever it feels like. I understand that my many friends and relatives wish for me to "be happy" and "be the person Gwen wants you to be." Were it that simple. It's not that I need help forgetting her, that would be impossible; it's that I fear she will be forgotten. I want to talk about what a beautiful and loving person she was. A smile, a hug, an unexpected phone call, a card in the mail, an old picture; yes, it is that simple.
I know, Dear, you always warned me about being preachy. I'm afraid I may have fallen back into an old habit here.
2 comments:
Preach on John! Indeed, part of our grief is the fear that our husband/wife (Bill & Gwen) will be forgotten by others. I think it is time to find you a new soapbox! Your courage is inspiring.
Yes, preach on John! I enjoy to listen. As you both know I'm very must lost myself, the good thing is I'm not so alone now, I see and hear others of us are lost too. :)
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