It occurred to me this morning that it is Saturday and another Ann Arbor tradition, the Farmer's Market is open; Gwen loved going there with me and just wandering about, checking out the fresh produce, being tempted to buy all the flowers on sale, and people watching. Today was different, being there by myself; sort of felt out of place and feeling once again how easy it is to be lonely in a crowd. But, I did it and found some satisfaction in doing so. Some things caught my attention, a sign th at read BUY LOCAL; shouldn't that be BUY LOCALLY? An argument with myself ensued; I decided that BUY LOCAL is just a slogan and exempt from the rules that govern adverbs. It would be better to say BUY LOCAL STUFF. My buds in Birch Creek will appreciate this; there were some kohlrabi for sale at one of the farm stands. The sign next to them said $2.00. "Is that $2.00 a dozen," I asked the guy. "Each," he said. I didn't need Gwen protesting in my ear to say no to that deal! I usually run into someone I know at the market, but not today.
Meanwhile, I continue to miss my perfect partner more than ever. My friend, Diane, sent me this affirmation today, Give yourself permission to be happy. Another friend, Terri, had me promise to smile at a memory of Gwen each day. I've studied enough psychology to know that I can't make myself happy anymore than I can make myself sad--I feel as though I'm temporarily suspended, waiting for something to happen. I keep the faith that good things remain in store for me:
Today and every day I will find time to smile and be happy at the memory of the many wonderful years we spent together, Dear. I know you want me to go on with my life and be happy; it's just that we completed each other's lives in such an easy way that it's hard to replace that sense of togetherness.
I am humbled by the number of people, literally around the world, who read this blog, and I welcome comments from them.
Meanwhile, I continue to miss my perfect partner more than ever. My friend, Diane, sent me this affirmation today, Give yourself permission to be happy. Another friend, Terri, had me promise to smile at a memory of Gwen each day. I've studied enough psychology to know that I can't make myself happy anymore than I can make myself sad--I feel as though I'm temporarily suspended, waiting for something to happen. I keep the faith that good things remain in store for me:
GRACES
When I was 24
I met the love of my life—
all that followed,
unlike all that went before,
was blessed by the grace of everlasting love.
When I was 73 she left me,
the love of my life—
all that is yet to be,
like all that went before,
welcomes unseen graces.
John A. Bayerl, June 30, 2011
Today and every day I will find time to smile and be happy at the memory of the many wonderful years we spent together, Dear. I know you want me to go on with my life and be happy; it's just that we completed each other's lives in such an easy way that it's hard to replace that sense of togetherness.
I am humbled by the number of people, literally around the world, who read this blog, and I welcome comments from them.
1 comment:
A lonely comment from a lonely Cannuk friend who understands?
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