Being who I was.

On a couple of occasions today I was once again "surprised" to remember that Gwen isn't sitting on the chair next to me.  One was when I saw an article in the paper about one of our friend Marian's grandson making the UM hockey team as a walk on.  Marian died of cancer several years ago; she was a special friend, and we always enjoyed our visits with her--like Gwen, family, especially grandchildren, meant everything to her.  It would have been such fun to read that article to Gwen.  Earlier in the week there was an article in the paper about the nurses at UM Hospitals reaching an agreement on their contract.  Gwen was always very involved with events surrounding negotiating for a contract, and I recall a time when she was on the picket line and I delivered some snacks her colleagues and her.  Gwen was careful to pick her battles, but when she picked one she always saw it through until the end.  Although she lost her battle with cancer, she fought it until the end.  What an example for the rest of us.

Today, Dear, my thoughts have been about trying to re-discover who I was before that magic day when I met you.  It would be silly to say that I can go back to being that person, as I've said in the past, you have made me so much more than I was then.  What I can do is to show my appreciation for the gift of you by continuing to find ways to make a difference in the world.  Who knows?  There may even be a magic moment or two ahead for me.  Now, if I can only remember that during those melancholy times when there is such a deep longing for you.