Trying to live in the present.

 Today at the bereavement group I heard myself saying that progress will be made in learning to live without my perfect partner when I begin to live less in the past and more in the present.  Often I ask myself what Gwen would tell me to do were she here to guide me.  Ever the level-headed pragmatist, I am sure she remains firm in her desire to have me go on with life.  It boils down to faith and trust.  Faith that for Gwen life has changed, not ended.  Trust that eventually all will become clear.

I noticed that I talked about living less in the past and more in the present but that I didn't mention the future.  It seems I've decided that by continuing to face whatever life has to throw at me the future will take care of itself.  Often I feel like I've gone back to being who I was before I met Gwen. Then I realize that, although at times I do feel all alone like I was then, the truth is that Gwen made me into a so much better person than I was then, and that will never change.  And, it's back to square one again--be grateful, few people are given the gift of a deep and abiding love that Gwen and I shared.

When I awoke this morning, Dear, warm memories of you comforted me.  It was as though you had gone to the bathroom and would soon crawl back in bed with me. All will be well. . .