Two are one.

All day today I’ve been thinking of our wedding day.  Everything had gone perfectly; aside from a little shower (Rain at a wedding promises fertility.), it was the bright and shiny day we hoped it would be.  We left the reception as man and wife, and changed clothes at Gwen’s folks’ house.  It felt so natural to have Gwen ask me to unlace the back of a garment she had worn under her wedding gown--and so good!

We then drove a few miles to the Valley View Motel in Crystal Falls; where, as is said, we consummated our marriage.  How could anyone forget any of that?  I surely haven’t.  Finally, we kissed, good night, said "I love you" for the zillionth time that day, and curled close to each other as we prepared to spend the first of what we knew would be a lifetime of nights together.

As Gwen lay close to me and we began to drift off to sleep, one of those magic moments occurred when time seemed to stop.  In the most unexplainable yet joyous way possible, I felt Gwen’s body next to mine as though it were part of my own; there was no difference between her and me.  A feeling of contentment and deep relaxation came over me.  “All of her is here, with me, next to me,” I thought, and the feeling I experienced was one of great gratitude that she loved me and accepted me into her life exactly as I loved and accepted her into my life.  For the briefest of moments time stood still and all that mattered in the world was there with us in that bed, nothing else was important.  The joy we had anticipated for so long was real, and it was ours.  As my dear wife would say, “It can’t be explained with words; it’s love, plain and simple.”

As I recall that miraculous moment with Gwen, I am also reminded that, every night, especially during her long illness, all my cares of the day would disappear into the soft warmth of Gwen lying next to me.  The word grief is simply inadequate when trying to describe what the absence of that feels like.

You are with me each night, Dear, as I settle down to sleep. For just a little while the world goes away and it is just you and I, alone, lying next to each other: I again feel all of you there with me.