One Thing Didn't Change

Lately I've been thinking about how much life has changed in the past year since Gwen died.  Soon it will be a year since I first faced the reality that it would no longer be John and Gwen; just John.  What has been harder; becoming accustomed to being without Gwen today, or re-living memories accumulated over 50 years of having her with me?   Earlier today I heard the Rolling Stones singing Ruby Tuesday.  Instantly I was taken back to a car trip when our whole family sang that song on our way to the U. P. for a visit with Gwen's folks.  (I wonder why we sang that song instead of Over The River and Through The Woods; must have been in the summertime.)  Reality comes crashing in when I remind myself that that was then and this is now.   And, the battle between what was and what is goes on with the hope that over time the what is will become as joyful as the what was.

Then I am reminded of what a beautiful day it was when Gwen and I promised to love each other forever and always.  Also included in that promise were the words "until death does us part."  Who thinks about what those words really mean on their wedding day?  However, at some level we always knew that sooner or later one would go and the other would stay.  After all, life is all about change.

There were subtle changes and dramatic changes as our marriage flourished and four children came into our lives. Gwen and I finished college and we entered long, rewarding careers.  In many ways we became far different individuals than the two young lovers who promised to love each other until death parted us.  The outward trappings of the love that formed the bond between us certainly changed over time.  However, the "I love you" that Gwen and I said to each other on her last night on earth was the same "I love you" that we first said to each other on a warm spring night in Gaastra.  Here on this earth, for us, it was the one thing that never changed.

Now I take great comfort, Dear, in the faith that life has not ended for you; it has changed, and our love goes on.